It Wasn't Meant For Him
by theysayhey
Summary: Normal just wasn't for Dean Winchester.


**A/N: **This is my first Supernatural fic, and sorry if I have anything wrong; I have only seen a few episodes from the third season. Supernatural has a great fandom and you can't help but not write for it, so I thought I'd try my hand at it.

Dean Winchester wasn't meant for normal. Maybe he used to be, but not anymore.

Normal left him all those years ago at age four when his father put his baby Sammy in his arms. When he knew he had to work overtime at his one job: _take care of Sammy_.

Normal left him when The Demon took their mother away.

Normal left him when they started hunting and moving around and training for their father's obsession.

Normal left him when he learned to hold a gun, made his first kill, started saving people from the supernatural...

Normal was long gone.

But Sam wanted normal. And Dean tried his damn hardest to make sure he got it. He made sure Sam got as much of a normal as he could while his own had left him so long ago. But normal was just one of many things to leave Dean; later, Sammy went to Stanford, gone with his own normal. After that, John left, forcing Dean to find Sam at school. And there were so many more after that...

_Don't you ever want a family, Dean? _It's almost a laughable question if not for the answer that follows. More than once Sam had uttered some derivative of the query to him. When Sam was younger, he had more than once given him the answer, _I already got a family, Sammy. You, me, and Dad. We don't need anyone else._

As Sam got older, however, the answer started changing. _I don't need to settle down with some girl, Sammy. She might get jealous of my better looks._

_I spent too much time with you, Sammy. I know how sticky kids can get._

_Why? Hunting's a lot more interesting than raising some family. Besides, I can't take care of you if I have some wife and kids nagging me all the time._

_A family? Yeah, they'd fit real nicely in the backseat of the Impala while we're on the road. Tell you what, the kids can help you with research... A family, yeah, right. Exactly where would a family even remotely fit into this job, Sammy? Jesus._

Just because normal left Dean doesn't mean he'd never wanted it.

He feels just a bit of guilt wash over his anger when he sees the look on Sam's face when he snapped at him. Because Sam's normal left awhile ago, too, and Dean couldn't stop it; couldn't take care of Sammy.

_You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are._

_And who's that?_

_One of us._

Once you're a hunter, can you really go back to your normal?

_You have to watch out for me and if I ever turn into something than I'm not, you have to kill me._

_Sam..._

_Dean, Dad told you to do it, you have to._

_Well, Dad's an ass, he never should have said anything. You don't lay that kind of crap on your kids._

_No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become._

One of the last things that left with normal was John; his soul for Dean.

_Back at the hospital, full recovery, it was a miracle and five minutes later Dad's dead and the colt's gone._

_I never should have come back, Sam, it wasn't natural, and now look what's come of it. I was dead and I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling, well thats it. So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright?_

And then Sam was gone, too, and it was Dean's soul for Sam.

_It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? We're gonna patch you up, okay? You're gonna be as good as new. And I'm gonna take care of you, I'm gonna take care of you. I gotcha. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain in the ass little brother...Sam? Sammy? No, no, no, no, no... Sam!_

_And now, I guess I'm supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do, Sammy? What am I supposed to do?!_

Dean had always wanted normal. John, Mary, Dean, and Sam; that was how it was supposed to be. Then normal left and took everyone else with it. Yeah, Sammy was back, but because of another deal and another demon, Dean would be gone in less than a year. Sam would be left, fighting his destiny alone.

Yeah, normal was long gone.


End file.
